A sudden and unexpected demise of my beloved grandfather, Pandit Amarnath Vaishnavi has pushed me back into the memory lane and unfolded all my memories of him. Memories – that say so much about him as a human being. He was someone whom I remember as a person who filled the whole air with happiness when he was around. He was a safe haven for children because he brought with him so much forgiveness that any mistake was pardoned. He acted as my advocate to fight my case against the person whom I would have offended as a kid. “Noted for future”, is what he would say to the other person with a gentle smile to negotiate for his/her forgiveness. This “Noted for future” meant that the mistake would not be repeated.
‘Lala’, as we fondly called him, was a favourite for this reason among children in our generation as well as the generation to which my parents belonged. His forgiveness and tolerance for the errors that we as children (even grown-ups) committed is a quality which I did not see in anyone till now in my entire life. However, his forgiveness and tolerance was not something that would let me get away with my erroneous behaviour. On the contrary, it was a great responsibility as his commitment of “Noted for future” was to be met or else ‘Lala’ would be disappointed. We, humans, are prone to making mistakes, but we are very lucky if our loved ones, especially elders accept us as we are and give us enough room to work on mistakes to be a better person. It was this trait of his personality that made him a favourite of his students too, irrespective of their religion or caste. During emergency when he was jailed, his students caught a glimpse of him when he would go for a walk and they would run up a hill with baskets of mangoes for their favourite master Ji.
I have read in one of my favourite books that a person’s love for things in life is determined by the amount of time he/she spends on them. ‘Lala’ would wake up very early in the morning while I would be in deep sleep and suddenly his loud and melodious song “Uth Jaag Musafir Bhor Bhai Ab Rain Kahan Jo Sowat Hai” would start reverberating in the entire house and even in the close neighbourhood at our house at Chattabal, Srinagar. This normally irritated me as it disturbed my sleep, then lovingly he would wake me up saying a number of things which included the benefits of getting up early etc. He was regular on exercise and Pranayam everyday morning in addition to spending about one hour performing Pooja and meditation. He would assign to me the job of performing all Pooja rituals when he was out of town travelling for work, these rituals also included feeding two mice with rice that regularly came into the Pooja room, ate that rice without disturbing anything else. He said that they were the Mushaks of Lord Ganesha. In the night he would put me to sleep again with his favourite Lori – “So Ja Rajkumari”. Sometimes he would apply warm oil on my stomach to relieve me of my stomach ache and wrap me up with a warm, thick cloth. I remember he would take me to a homeopathic doctor when my hair was falling and to an Ayurvedic doctor when I had a boil on my leg. Whenever there was a parent-teacher meet at my school, it was he who had to visit. I would insist that he wear a suit and not Kurta Pajama (which was his usual attire). He would wear his round neck coat and a yellow/pink turban. In the evening he would ask me with a smile whether he looked handsome or not (as required by me) when he visited my school.
I vividly remember an incident about my childhood when I was about 8 – 10 years old. He came home late as usual and I had already fallen asleep. He had bought me a small plastic toy kitchen set. He not only bought it but also set it up in my play area by arranging all little utensils and gas stove etc, the way they are kept in a normal kitchen. He came to me and gently woke me up and said that he had a surprise for me. He held my hand and took me to my play area and said: “Look what I have for you”. For a little girl I was, it was the most exhilarating and happy moment. That moment of happiness which he brought to me then is something I still cherish. On another occasion, he announced a tea party which was to be carried out in my toy tea set. Everybody had to drink tea in those cups. It was his immense love for his grandchildren which enabled him to meticulously consider things that mattered most to us and then strive to make them available to us. During the winter vacations, he would make a time table for me which in addition to the time for study and play would have fifteen minutes for help in the household work. When I asked him as to what help could I be of, he would say in his gentle tone “khos vos chu na aasaan tulun”. (Picking up used cups someone left after having tea). Additionally, he used to give me pages in four-line notebook for my handwriting improvement. He was a disciplinarian himself and that is what he passed on to us. His time table concept has gone deeper down in me and taught me the value of time in life. He was someone who taught us that we could be happy and contented with whatever was available to us. He taught us to be together as a family and celebrate life within the given means.This reminds me of how he used to make the birthdays of all the children very special events. As a kid, I used to look forward to the evening on my birthday or any of my brother’s or sister’s birthday. He would get nadir monja (pakodas made of lotus stem) and sweets for the evening tea party which was attended by the entire family. We being a big family, he had to make sure that the snacks sufficed for all. He would often cut one Gulab Jamun into two to make it available to all. Tea and snacks were followed by some entertainment, presented by the children. I and my brothers worked hard to prepare for the evening entertainment which was often a play, solo songs and dance. The whole family would applaud and enjoy our presentation.
His artistic skills which he had acquired through his Diploma in Art, certified by City & Guilds London, enabled him to use all the waste at home and turn it to beautiful objects. He also made the portraits of Guruji, Dr Hedgewar and of his father and brother, which we, later on, lost to militancy. His wonderful sense of humour always filled us with great happiness and excitement. He would jokingly say things such as, “I am soon going to be selected for a Bollywood film as an actor and all I have to do is wear a wig to conceal my bald head”. And also, “I am still young and strong; do you want to fight with me?” He had immense respect for the womenfolk in the family. He would personally sit with his daughters-in-law and ask them whether they were eating well on occasions such as Shivratri. On such occasions, women usually choose to eat later than the rest of the family due to their busy schedule with cooking and serving all the delicacies to the rest of the family. He was ambitious for his granddaughters and daughter, whom he wanted to be well educated and assume leadership roles in their lives. In nutshell, he was full of life and vivacity, someone who infused energy, happiness and hope in the whole family.
He was my life trainer who taught me all the practical aspects of living. One day after our displacement in 1990, when we lived at Bakshi Nagar, Jammu, he took me to the Canara Bank and my day’s lesson was, “how to withdraw cash from the bank through a cheque”. The second time he took me to the telegraph office in Kachi Chawni to teach me how to send a telegram. I still follow his advice of keeping all important papers packed in a handy manner so that they are easy to carry in case of an emergency evacuation. His advice helped us in real life when we moved from Srinagar in the year 1990, while he was himself travelling outside J&K for work. His safety tips are something I pass on to my 7-year-old daughter. As a kid, he would educate me about various possible risks that children face while outside home. His constant reminders and education saved my life when I was 9 years old.
My discussions with him as a child communicated to me some of his values by which he lived. He said that despite losing his mother after his birth he had the most satisfying childhood. He had no complaints with his childhood because he was loved by many people who were part of his large family. When he lived in Jammu as a child he had a friend by the name ‘Gaje Singh’, whose mother loved him like her own son. He said that as a child he was very accommodative and would get along with most of the people. Also, he was a good looking child and he believed that all this made him a favourite of all his eldeRs His uncle would make him sit on his shoulders and with a bowl of food in his own hands take him around the neighbourhood feeding him slowly on the way. While doing so he would meet several acquaintances who would cuddle the kid seated on the shoulders He fondly remembered his childhood which he claimed was the happiest. I believe that he had an innate ability to focus on good things around him that kept him happy, without being sorry about what wasn’t there.Despite the adversities in life, may it be the loss of his mother and then his wife early in life, he had a unique ability to see only the good and leverage on the positive aspects of life rather than regretting the undesirable. On the contrary, he not only was happy within but also felt the pain of the entire human population around him and took the lead to alleviate their suffering during his entire life.
According to him, his happy childhood developed him into a person who was confident and capable of loving others unconditionally. He often used to say that he was so contented within that he had no expectations from the external world. As far as I remember he always stood on top of the situations with least dependence on anyone while always being a symbol of assurance and strength to all of us in the family. He continued to be so till his last breath when he passed away in the evening after attending to his regular work schedule. He would tell me with pride the story of our ancestor who sacrificed huge land and property in Chattabal (which was later a government property), merely to stand by his principles and not succumb to any pressures from the then minister of the king of Kashmir who expected from him something which his conscience would not allow him to do. Standing by his principles without fearing for the consequences with the least concern about wealth and money is what he lived by all his life.
Written by Rohini Vaishnavi
Amarnath Vaishnavi Foundation 